Between Love and Obsession
by LokasennaHiddleston
Summary: Nina Einstein hates Suzaku Kururugi. Not only is he a Number, an intruder in her sanctuary, but he's dared to put his filthy hands on Nina's goddess, Leloucia Lamperouge. It is up to her to make sure Leloucia is set free from his taint. Little does Nina know that her obsessive crush will just serve to bring Leloucia and Suzaku closer and it will change the world. Suzaku/Fem!Lelouch


There were few things in Nina Einstein's life that remained a constant. She'd always been aware that she was inadequate in countless ways. She wasn't pretty, sociable or charismatic. She didn't have an outgoing personality, nor could she compensate for it in other ways. She was intelligent and passionate about science, but that was a mixed blessing, since it made it even more difficult for her to connect with others.

Being in the Student Council at Ashford brought her something she treasured, though. It brought her to the one person who could ever, truly understand, to Leloucia Lamperouge.

Nina would always remember the first day they'd met, or rather, spoken. During her first year at Ashford, she'd kept to herself for a good couple of weeks. She'd seen Leloucia around and had been drawn to her even then, but she hadn't dared to approach to even say hi. Leloucia was so beautiful, like a real life princess, her skin like flawless, pale marble, her hair like silk, her voice smooth and soft. Nina couldn't possibly go talk to her, no matter how much the thought appealed.

They'd run into each other by accident one day—quite literally. Nina had gotten caught up in her notes and research and had been late for class. She'd run straight into Leloucia in the corridor.

Her books had gone flying, her notes scattering everywhere. Nina had fallen back, yelping and scrambling to do some damage control.

Her glasses had slid off, and she'd only realized whom she'd run into when a long-fingered hand had appeared into her line of sight. "Here. I'm so sorry about this. Let me help you."

Nina had been unable to do anything but nod mutely. She'd only managed to get her voice back when Leloucia had accidentally caught a glimpse of the notes and said, "Nuclear physics? Wow, this is really interesting. Very advanced."

"T-Thank you," Nina had stammered, unable to meet the gaze of the beautiful girl in front of her.

"I'm sorry, that was rude," Leloucia had said. "I didn't mean to pry into your things. The calculations just drew my eye."

"No, it's fine. I... I don't mind."

She probably would have minded, had the culprit been anyone else, but it had been Leloucia. Nina couldn't have possibly begrudged her anything.

Leloucia had rewarded Nina with a soft, gentle smile. "Thanks. By the way, I'm Leloucia Lamperouge. You're Nina Einstein, right?"

Nina had nodded, her face flaming at the realization that Leloucia knew who she was. "Y-Yes," she'd replied shyly.

"Well, it's a pleasure to meet you officially," Leloucia had answered in turn. "Come on. We can talk more later. For the moment, we should probably get to class. We're late as it is."

Nina had been horrified at the realization. "Oh, no! We're going to get in trouble!"

Leloucia had just winked at her. "I'll talk it out with the teacher. We'll be fine."

It was true. Their teacher hadn't been thrilled with the delay, but Leloucia had already had an excuse ready, and she had managed to include Nina in it, despite the short notice.

Shortly after that, Nina had been drawn into the Student Council. In all honesty, half the time she didn't much care for it. The others were nice enough, she supposed, but they also frustrated her. Milly in particular, with her tendency to barrel over the desires of everybody else for the sake of her own crazy ideas.

Still, it was all worth it, if only because she got to spend more time with Leloucia. Leloucia who was always kind to her, who always showed interest, who was the one person Nina could talk to without feeling like she wanted to scream.

And of course, there was PE class, after which all the girls bathed together. Leloucia wasn't a huge fan of it, far preferring intellectual activities. However, she conscientiously exercised, explaining that she deemed it necessary to be an efficient caretaker for her disabled sister Nunnally.

Nina didn't much care about the reason. She was just happy she could get a quick peek at Leloucia in the showers. She was always careful, so that nobody would see her, but she could not help herself.

The days passed, and gradually, Nina became closer to her goddess. Leloucia became Lulu. Nina was ecstatic. As far as she could tell, Lulu was not interested in girls romantically, but she wasn't dating boys either, so who knew? Maybe Nina had a chance after all.

And then, _he_ showed up. The bane of Nina's existence. Suzaku Kururugi.

She hated him from the moment he stepped into the school, the Number invading her sanctuary. Everybody knew who he was, of course, as he had been on the television, accused of having killed Prince Clovis. The culprit had turned out to be that odd terrorist, Zero, but that didn't really change Nina's opinion of Suzaku Kururugi much.

Someone like him shouldn't have been at Ashford. He was dangerous. Couldn't they all see? Supposedly, he'd been allowed to attend because of orders from the Sub-Viceroy, but that just proved that even royalty could make errors in judgment.

The only bright side to the new situation was that he tended to keep his distance and not interact with people. Maybe he too realized he didn't belong here.

Still, Nina noticed a bit of a change in Lulu's behavior since the Number's arrival. It wasn't very noticeable, but sometimes, when he would enter the room, her gaze would flicker to him. In the beginning, she thought nothing of it. She deemed it an effect of the natural apprehension Lulu herself must have felt.

Then, the cat hunt happened.

Naturally, Nina herself tried to find the cat. She wanted the prize. Milly had said that even if a member of the Student Council won, they'd still get it, and she wanted a kiss from Lulu.

Unfortunately, athleticism had never been her strong suit. It was the Number who managed to corner the feline.

Worse, in the process, Lulu somehow ended up with him on the roof of the school. Nina didn't know what could be so important to warrant Lulu taking such a chance, but the moment she saw them, she froze in panic at the possible consequences. Her fears proved to be justified, as Lulu lost her grip and slid down.

Nina's heart almost stopped at the sight. A fall from that height could easily kill or at least cripple someone. Mercifully, the Number let himself fall after Lulu and caught her before a disaster could happen.

Just for that, Nina decided she could accept him. She didn't even mind Leloucia's request to add him to the Student Council. Maybe he wasn't so bad. Maybe he was the exception to the rule.

Of course, she then proceeded to realize that the stupid cat that had caused the whole debacle had pretty much belonged to him the whole time. Or something like that. Apparently, he'd found it a few days back, and it had followed him to the school. That made the whole chase and rescue incident void of value, since if not for his presence and stupidity, the cat would not have been there to begin with.

Lulu seemed to disagree, but she had always been very kind, kinder than most people realized. It stood to reason that she'd want to compensate the Number for his supposed help in some way.

That didn't mean Nina was happy about it, or about the fact that, on top of everything else, Milly decided to throw a welcome party for the cat, now dubbed Arthur. Her estimation of Milly's intelligence decreased even further.

She had to admit that seeing the Number in that ridiculous blue suit was a little satisfying. More importantly, Lulu was adorable dressed as a feline. So maybe just this once, Nina would forgive Milly for her absurd behavior.

Of course, any good will Nina felt evaporated very quickly when she ran into something she did not expect. It was one evening, after class, and she had accidentally left her notes in the Student Council Room.

She was a few feet from her destination when she heard them. "Suzaku... Ah..."

"Lulu..."

Nina's blood froze in her veins. The door to the Student Council Room was cracked open and inside, inside... There could only be one thing.

She took a few steps forward and stole a peek into the room. Bright hatred rose within her when she caught sight of the Number kissing Lulu, having pinned her against the wall. As Nina watched, Lulu wrapped her slim leg around his waist and her arms around his neck. He kissed her deeper, like the savage he was. His hands traveled under her skirt, and Lulu jerked, making a 'ngh' sound.

Despite herself, Nina found herself getting aroused. She knew she shouldn't be, not when she was witnessing something so vile. But if she removed the Number from the picture... If she focused on Lulu alone... It was so beautiful.

Lulu's cries were like music, the sight of her pleasure like a vision from a dream. When she came, she arched against the Number, whispering his name. Nina fled before they could see her and ran to her dorm room. She masturbated to the memory of what she'd just seen, and then wished she could wring Suzaku Kururugi's neck for what he had done.

She wondered now if that was why Lulu slept more in class lately. Could he have even done... that... with her? The thought made Nina boil in helpless fury.

It was this anger that made her go to the hotel. She had no desire to keep Milly and Shirley company, but Lulu had left for the day too, and so had the Number. She couldn't have focused on her work if she'd tried. Maybe a distraction would help.

Of course, as was Nina's luck, they ended up under attack by terrorists.

It was horrible. Once again, Nina was targeted by the Elevens. It was too easy to remember the last time this had happened, too easy to see herself in the same position she had been then.

Princess Euphemia intervened before the Number could hurt her, and her gratitude toward the Sub-Viceroy knew no bounds. But Nina also realized something very important then.

She could not allow Suzaku Kururugi to remain close to Lulu any longer.

Yes, Nina did realize that the Black Knights had helped too, and they were Elevens, but that was beside the point. What mattered here was that Nina, Lulu's goddess, was being tainted by the touch of one of Them. Nina had to act before further damage was done.

But how could she get rid of a trained soldier? Regardless of his numerous flaws, the Number was a member of the Britannian army and presumably worked for them in a special department. He was fast and strong. Could Nina take him by surprise in some way? He would never suspect her of trying something against him, but she only had one chance. If she failed, the consequences could be disastrous. Not to mention the fact that he and Lulu were so often together, which made Nina's more destructive ideas an impossibility.

The chance came during the cross-dressing festival. Everybody was distracted by the 'fun' they were having. As always, Lulu looked gorgeous, dressed as a prince, but then, Lulu always looked gorgeous, so that wasn't a big change.

The Number had dressed in a girl's uniform, which didn't suit him at all, but seemed to amuse him. The rest of the school appeared to enjoy the event just as much. Well, except for Lulu herself, who was pretty much exasperated and resigned.

 _"Hang in there, Lulu,"_ Nina mentally told her goddess. _"I'll save you soon."_

Since it was a festival, they all had to run around and do all sorts of chores for Milly. Lulu and the Number were separated when Milly asked him to get something from the supply room.

Nina pursued him, keeping a good distance away from him. The sounds of the festival would probably mask her footsteps, but she didn't want to take any chances.

Well, that, and she was having trouble keeping up with his speed. But she'd take her blessings where she could get them.

She found him in the storage room, riffling through a stack of boxes and mumbling under his breath. He must have heard her approach, because he turned and looked up. "Nina?"

Without hesitation, Nina pulled out her gun and pressed the trigger.

At the last moment, something jerked on her pants, unbalancing her. Her shot went wide.

She didn't get the chance to try again. Before she even knew what was going on, Kururugi had rushed at her, disarmed her and pinned her to the ground. Next to her head, Arthur hissed at her in feline fury.

Crying out, Nina struggled in the Number's grip. "Let me go. Let me go. Get off me."

Predictably, he didn't comply. "I can't do that," he said softly. His tone made her skin crawl, because it almost reminded Nina of the way he sounded when he spoke to Nina's goddess.

"Don't touch me," she screamed again. "Get off."

The sound of approaching footsteps heralded possible salvation. It was, against all odds, her goddess. "Suzaku? What happened?"

"Nina," Kururugi replied, still holding Nina down and immobilized. He looked up at Lulu. "She tried to shoot me."

"She did what?" Lulu asked in disbelief. "Nina, why?"

If anyone else had been the one there, Nina might have tried to deny it. But in the end, she did not regret what she had done. She only regretted the fact that she'd missed. Damn idiotic cat.

"He can't... He can't touch you," she screeched. "He doesn't deserve you. He needs to stay away from you."

Lulu stared at her like she'd never seen her before. Then, her expression went dead and blank. "Suzaku," she whispered, "do you trust me?"

The Number looked confused. "Lulu? What?"

"Do you trust me?" Lulu repeated.

"Of course," he answered, never once loosening his hold on Nina.

"Thank you, Suzaku. Nina, look at me."

The angry light in her goddess's amethyst eyes was the last thing Nina registered before her world went black.

* * *

When Suzaku had come to get some extra supplies from the storage room, the last thing he had expected was almost getting killed by a person he would have liked to call a tentative friend. And while that was shocking enough, his girlfriend's appearance and subsequent reaction to the incident was even more surprising.

"Nina, from now on, you will be my slave," Lulu said, still looking at Nina.

It was the eeriest thing Suzaku had seen in his life. Nina's expression went slack and she immediately stopped struggling. It was almost as if all life had gone out of her, although he knew that wasn't the case, because she did reply, "Yes, Your Highness."

This seemed to be the reaction Lulu had expected, because she nodded in something like... satisfaction? "You can let go of her now, Suzaku," she said.

Suzaku did, and he didn't know if he was surprised or not when Nina remained where she was despite the fact that he was no longer pinning her down. His mind whirling, he got up and looked at his girlfriend. "What was that? What did you do just now?"

Lulu's jaw clenched, but she faced him without flinching. "I did exactly what I had to do."

In that moment, as he stared into her beautiful, but cold eyes, Suzaku could no longer deny the truth. "It is you, isn't it? You're Zero. That's how you freed me from the Purists." He had always thought Jeremiah Gottwald's behavior that day had been odd. Like everyone else, he had assumed Zero must have had some kind of blackmail material on Gottwald, but after this incident with Nina, he was no longer so certain.

"Yes," Lulu replied. "Well, that's part of the method..."

She said something else, but Suzaku didn't hear the rest of the sentence. He was too busy trying to figure out where they would go from here.

He'd known she had sworn to obliterate Britannia, and she had not changed her mind since their separation. If anything, she seemed more determined, and despite the fact that in everything else, their relationship was going well, they had argued several times about his insistence to be a Britannian soldier and Zero's goals and methods.

He hadn't wanted it to be her. He loved her so much. He always had, since before he even knew what love between a man and a woman truly meant. When he'd found her again at Ashford and when she'd become his girlfriend, it had been like a dream come true.

In his heart, he'd known he didn't deserve it. He'd known a relationship between them was impossible and could only bring problems. But he had been unable to say no to her smile, to her eyes and to her sweet mouth.

She'd been to one to suggest it. She'd approached him after the cat chase and had said, "I was wondering... As much as I appreciate the kiss from Nunnally... Would you maybe be interested in one from a different Student Council member?"

She'd blushed when she'd looked at him, and perhaps that was why he'd been unable to deny it, deny how much he wanted her. He'd kissed her that day, and the next, and the day after that, and then, they'd gone past kisses, and he treasured every moment, even if he knew he needed to keep their relationship a secret, even if at the voice at the back of his mind still reminded him of his suspicions.

And now, here he was, finding out he had been right in his fears. To top it off, she had a strange paranormal ability that made her able to control people.

"Suzaku, I know this is very strange," Lulu said, her voice earnest and her eyes pleading. "And I know you don't agree with me being Zero. But it's necessary, to defeat Britannia, to free the Japanese."

"It's not!" Suzaku insisted. "These methods can never bring about the right result. If I can only prove that we can work and prosper together, we..."

"You'll what?" Lulu hissed, now sharp and cutting. "What do you think will happen, Suzaku? How much do you think you can ever change the system? Even if, by some sort of miracle, they do accept you, you'll only ever be an Honorary Britannian. They won't accept everybody else just because you've decided to bend your knee to them. Cooperation with Britannia is what the Honorary Britannian system is all about, and it won't ever get better than what you have now, not unless the system is torn apart altogether."

"Torn apart?" Suzaku repeated. "Lulu, no! Can you even hear yourself? So many people will suffer if you do this!"

"People are suffering now!" Lulu cried. "No, Suzaku. You say you want to change the system from within, but Britannia is built solely on the concept of the strong oppressing the weak. The system itself resists change. It is based on the concept of the superiority of Britannians over everybody else. The only person who could possibly make a difference would be the emperor, and he would never do it. And even if it was attempted, even if another person took the throne and by some sort of miracle decided on a change of policy, the aristocracy would resist and forceful measures would have to be used."

"Nevertheless, results that come through illegal or unethical means are meaningless," Suzaku insisted. He knew that better than anyone, after what he had done.

Lulu clearly did not agree. "Are you even listening to me? Legal methods are not the same as ethical methods. Or do you think that Britannia occupying Japan and enslaving your people was in any way ethical?"

Suzaku opened and closed his mouth. He didn't know what to say to that. Lulu was not wrong. But at the same time, he knew they should try to be better than that.

He couldn't fall back onto the method he had used to end the war. He just couldn't.

Oblivious to his thoughts, Lulu continued, "And even if... Even if you disagree with all that, you have to see... The way things are now, in this world, should Nunnally and I be discovered, we would either be killed or used as tools like we were before."

"Is that why you're doing this?" Suzaku asked quietly. "For Nunnally?"

Lulu nodded. "For her, and for you." She leaned in closer to him, pressing her body to his. "Suzaku, you know I'm a selfish girl. I want revenge for my mother and I want the people I love to be happy and free. That's you and Nunnally. Please, please, don't make me choose. I'm begging you."

Suzaku's breath caught. "Why? Why even ask me? Why not use your... ability on me?"

"I would never do that to you. I would never take your will from you. You and I... It's among the few real things that I have. Isn't it?"

Suzaku was torn. On one hand, he still believed that results achieved through unethical means weren't worth the price. On the other, she was his Lulu. Yes, she'd lied to him, but despite that... Could he really turn her away? He had loved her for so long...

He realized he'd fallen silent when she gave him a hurt look. "Suzaku?"

"Of course it's real, Lulu," he quickly said. "I'm just... This is a lot to process."

"I know. I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you from the beginning, but after your reaction that time, before your trial..."

Suzaku supposed he could understand that. He had determinedly refused Zero's hand. Would he have reacted differently if he'd known Lulu was the one behind the mask? Probably, although he was still sure he would have gone to the trial. If he hadn't, the effects on other Honoraries could have been devastating.

He still couldn't help but wonder about that, though, about what she had done to start all this. "Lulu... Why did you kill your brother?"

Lulu sighed heavily. "Believe me, I wish things could have been different. When I lived in Pendragon, Clovis was one of the few siblings who cared for Nunnally and me. I had fond memories of him. But that day, in Shinjuku... I practically had to watch you die. And then I watched knightmares mow down countless of innocent Japanese on his order, all because he wanted to hide his secret, his experiments on C.C. The girl in the capsule."

"That's... That's what happened in the ghettoes?"

He had never really found out. The official story was that the civilians had died because of the poison gas, but he'd known the capsule had not held that. And he had asked himself in his heart what could have happened. A part of him had blamed it on Zero, but at the same time, he was aware that hadn't made sense.

Finally hearing it from Lulu's lips made his heart clench.

She nodded. "Men, women, children... Even babies, Suzaku. The Britannians killed them all. And they would have killed me if C.C. hadn't given me this power."

She told him the whole story, about how she'd managed to flee the tunnels with the green-haired girl after he'd been shot, but had been found and ambushed by the same people who'd attacked him. At the last moment, C.C. had offered her 'a contract', although Lulu herself did not know what C.C. wanted in exchange for her gift.

That didn't fill Suzaku with confidence at all. What could a person with that kind of power want? Whatever it was, it couldn't be good.

He had no doubt that Lulu knew this too, but she was deliberately ignoring it, preferring to focus on the benefits of the power she had been given. Suzaku couldn't allow that.

That part of him he'd tried so hard to bury, the part that had urged him to pick up the knife and kill his father when he'd heard the plans the man was making, suddenly began to reemerge.

Lulu needed him. He needed him to protect her, and also to anchor her so that she wouldn't lose herself to her strange power, and to this mysterious witch who couldn't possibly have her best interests at heart.

Suzaku might not agree with Zero's methods, but he could still try to change her mind. He knew she was stubborn and it would not be easy, but he had to try.

In the meantime, as strange as he found this whole situation, he would embrace it.

"I believe you, Lulu. I won't lie. I'm still not sure yours is the best way. But I'm with you."

The smile Lulu shot him lit up her whole face. "You'll be a Black Knight then? My knight?"

Suzaku's mind went blank. He thought about the Lancelot, about Lloyd and his own involvement in the Shinjuku incident. Come to think of it, Lulu might very well have been in that knightmare he'd identified as the one belonging to the leader. Fuck. He could have killed her that day.

She was right. Another solution needed to be found. He wanted to be her knight. But in their situation, he didn't know if it was possible.

"About that... I have a little confession to make too."

Lulu narrowed her eyes at him, clearly realizing he had been hiding something big. "What is it?"

"The thing is... You know how I said I only have a minor position in the Engineering corps? That wasn't completely... accurate. I'm actually a pilot for an experimental knightmare frame called the Lancelot."

Lulu had always been very smart, so it didn't take her long to put the pieces together. "You?" she screeched. "You were the one piloting the white knightmare in Shinjuku?"

"Um, yes?"

She huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. "You're a humongous dick, you know that? Here I am, feeling bad for lying, and you've been lying to me all along too."

Suzaku flinched. She wasn't wrong.

Technically, his involvement in the Lancelot project was confidential information, so he hadn't exactly been allowed to reveal it to just anyone, but he didn't think saying that would soothe Lulu's anger. After all, Lulu wasn't just anyone.

Lulu let out a low breath. "Fine. We'll... We'll figure something out. For the moment, we should get back to the others. Pres will probably assume we're together, but they may still come after us if we linger here too long. Not to mention that Nina's absence will be noticed."

Suzaku stared at the still blank-faced Nina. "Right. What do we do about her? What are the actual limits of that thing you can do?"

Lulu grimaced. "As far as I can tell, there are none. But I've never actually ordered people to be my slaves before. I don't much like the concept. It's just that... The thought of her attacking you made me really mad." She shook her head. "Anyway, for the moment, we won't say anything about this. Nina, starting now, you will refrain from having any sort of hostile attitude to Suzaku or any other Japanese individual, but other than that you will act normally."

Nina nodded. "I understand," she said like an automaton.

"You know," Suzaku commented, "that's really creepy."

"Yes... I suppose it is," Lulu whispered, "but I don't have any other choice. You'll still stay with me, won't you?"

"Absolutely," Suzaku said.

Lulu might be trying to hide it, but he could tell that these new developments had scared her too. He knew he had to protect her. It would be so easy for this to go wrong and for her to get herself killed. No, he couldn't let that happen.

"I'll stay with you always," he promised.

The blinding smile she offered him told him that he'd made the right decision. He might still be uncertain about how they'd manage to juggle the choices the two of them had made so far, but as long as they were together, he was convinced that they would succeed.

Even Arthur seemed to agree, because when Suzaku picked him up, the feline actually purred and showed no inclination to bite him. And despite how strange this whole situation was, Suzaku couldn't help but think that he was finally on the right path.

* * *

The battle at Narita would later come to be known as one of the most famous and surprising skirmishes in modern history. During the strange avalanche that consumed almost all the Britannian forces, Princess Cornelia was almost caught by the shockingly well-organized rebels. Suzaku Kururugi, the pilot of the experimental frame Lancelot, succeeded in rescuing her. In gratitude, the princess promoted him to the rank of Major.

Some Britannians still showed doubt and could not understand Princess Cornelia's about-face when it came to the Eleven. However, Kururugi further displayed his loyalty when he succeeded in capturing and executing Zero. Zero's identity was never released to the public, but after his demise, the Black Knights scattered.

One year later, Princess Cornelia left a now peaceful Area 11 in the hands of her sister Euphemia and departed for the Euro-Britannian front. She took Suzaku Kururugi with her.

Two years later, Suzaku Kururugi, now known as one of the most powerful knights of the empire, stood in front of the emperor for the first time. Nobody ever did figure out how Emperor Charles was killed.

The newly vacant throne was not occupied by Prince Odysseus, or by Prince Schneizel. No, it was the lost Princess Leloucia who sat upon it, having inexplicably received the support of all of her family and the majority of the aristocracy.

Meanwhile, a green-haired witch congratulated herself for her choice in having picked Leloucia as a contractor, and for adding Suzaku Kururugi to the equation. Sure, she'd had to tear herself from Marianne and Charles, but that wasn't a big loss. She had never truly believed in their plan anyway. And it served V.V. right, to die to serve Leloucia's purposes, after what he had done when she had been a child.

After all, Leloucia was nothing if not practical, and she didn't find immortality a tragedy if she could share it with her knight. And as jaded as C.C. had always been, she was happy that in the end, she had believed in the love Leloucia and Suzaku shared. It was a love that was more powerful than anything in existence, and it changed the world.


End file.
